everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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