dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bring me that man meat
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
