pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Couch. On fire.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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