Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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