I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
