he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
