I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
