Say something about gay babies.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
