The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
