so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
