I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
