Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
