dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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