omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
