I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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