It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This baby is an asshole
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
