I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
