Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
