No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
