Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this hospital has no fireball
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
