@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
