Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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