Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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