Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
