she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
