I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
