I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
