just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
