in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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