Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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