She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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