So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
