No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
