I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
