Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A+ Viking dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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