I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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