I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
