Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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