I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
