You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
