Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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