When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
