So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
