shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
