I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Damn victory sex feels great
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
