So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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