i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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