Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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