It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
