Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
